Rules for the Tiggular Household
by deeplyshallow
Summary: Because with Elphaba's stubbornness and Fiyero's... lack of morals this family really needs some... Winner of 1st Place 2010 Greg Award for Most Humourous


**Umm, Horrible's coming along… honest…**

***sigh* I can't believe I've sunk to the level of writing a list, but it's entertaining (I hope) and it's sort of a collection of ideas for what Elphaba and Fiyero's family would be like if I ever did write a second generation Wicked Fic. **

**Continuation? Only if insisted upon and I can think of anymore ideas.**

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**Rules for the Tiggular Household**

Being sent to your room is not unjust and in no way compares to a Lion Cub being forced into a cage.

The fact your soul mate could be right in front of you does not mean you can make out with the entire student population to find them.

Hiding your father's favourite shampoo is not a laughing matter.

Even if his reaction is very funny.

'Mum did it,' is not an excuse to lock small girls in the cellar, give death threats and attempt to steal shoes.

'Dad did it,' is not an excuse to play up at school.

Or to get expelled.

Or to refuse to do any work, ever.

Or to have numerous relationships with the opposite gender.

Or to leave your girl/boyfriend for someone else.

Or to swing from a chandelier

Actually, 'Dad did it,' is not a valid excuse for anything.

'Life's more painless for the brainless,' is not an invitation to hit your father.

No matter how tempting it sometimes is.

No broomsticks, last time your father was in a fast moving vehicle he nearly ran me over, you have too many of his genes to risk another injury.

Despite evidence to the contrary insulting someone the first moment you meet them does not tend to be the best way to start a relationship

Doing… stuff in a forest is only acceptable if you have someone other than your parents who are going to kill you if they find you.

Defying authority and sticking to your beliefs no matter what does not encompass not wanting to clean your room.

'Mum, are you unwell? You look a little green,' was not funny the first time.

Nor was 'don't melt,' whenever it starts raining.

The term 'wicked' is debatable, naughty, grumpy, annoying and brainless, when told to you by your mother/wife is not.

Reading spells out at random is only acceptable when death is otherwise inevitable.

No faking your own death unless it's necessary for your survival.

That does not include doing it to miss a day of school.

No matter how amusing your father thinks it is.

Cat fights are only acceptable after someone close to you has been squashed by a house.

When swinging on a rope, do try and defy your father and say something at least vaguely sensible.

No fairy tales – they are unrealistic and are far too defined on the line between good and bad.

Refusing to play by the rules of someone else's game does not apply in monopoly.

Tight white pants – just no – never, I don't care how sexy you think you look.

Putting various assortments of bugs and worms in your sister's bed does not count as 'helping what might be mute Animals rejoin society'.

Your father's fear of crows is not funny

Well it's not to be laughed at anyway.

The flying monkeys do not appreciate being ridden on.

You may not call me 'Momsie'.

Sharing rooms with people you dislike is a life changing experience and the most unexpected things can happen from it, so stop demanding extra rooms be built in the house so you don't have to share with your siblings.

Seeing if you can annoy each other enough to release bursts of uncontrolled magic from them is not to be done under any circumstances and is definitely not to be considered a game.

Just because I am notorious around the whole of Oz does not mean you can tell people your mother's a celebrity.

Pretending to fall asleep whenever you see a poppy is neither exciting or creative.

Pointing guns at your exes is only allowed in desperate circumstances.

Said desperate circumstances do not include 'they called me a cheating jerk!'

Even if you are 'a cheating jerk'.

Just because you father can dance well does not mean his orientation is in question.

Neither does the fact that he skipped down the Yellow Brick Road with two other male creatures.

What was beneath your father's trousers during his brief tenancy as a scarecrow is none of your business.

I appreciate with your genes it's very hard to tear yourself away from the mirror but please do remember that others may need to use the bathroom (that applies to you too Fiyero).

Performing magic to disturb or to allow yourself to run away from class is acceptable when there is a Lion Cub being tortured **not **because your lesson is boring.

Just because your friend wants to dress up as a robot for a fancy dress party does not mean you can volunteer me into turning them into a tin man.

I locked a little girl in a cellar **once** so stop telling your little siblings that I will do so if they don't behave.

This list must be followed **AT ALL COSTS **I don't care if I turn out to be an evil dictator, no deviations, you can change your name to express your solidarity and outrage all you like, _this _isn't changing.


End file.
